summersomething

all the modern things like cars and such have always existed they've just been waiting in a mountain for the right moment listening to the irritating noises of dinosaurs and people dabbling outside all the modern things have always existed they've just been waiting to come out and multiply and take over it's their turn now...

(björk)

the song has been haunting me in my head for quite a while now. I just like to picture it (in a lego kind of way)

It's summer.
summer multiplies my usual amount of thinking by 21. emptyness again.
It's hard for me to do nothing at all, still have the feeling that I haven't arrived anywhere and that actually I'm not going anywhere. I'm feeling blury and my perceptions and feelings are blury.

Paris has been great, I love the city the people we met the language the heat.. most of all I love the persons I am with

London started off lonely. its name suggested it already.. I realised that I cannot travel alone. First I thought it were the city I couldn't stand but no, London is nice. It's being lost and lonely that makes me doubt the myself and the world. The label "home" has to undergo a shift in meaning: home is an abstract place with people around who understand me, not necessarily know me yet, but people who believe in opening their hearts and minds as I do. Only with the knowledge that I can come back to people like that I am able to experience alone not only as lonely

Antwerp was sundayrelaxing and mondaystress. I was glad to leave the city for a while. and I miss it already. Lately it carried too much of a connotation of meanman, stress and disruption, the taste of its name got bitter on my tongue. But Antwerp in summer is great... Summer in the city

Tuesday was Trainday. left at 5.45 am and arrived at 6.30 pm. I spent the time sleeping. It is such a special kind of sleep.. knowing that you are being carried from your one life into your other, seeing and feeling that movement only in tatters... I like my traindays.. yes they are so annoying but I would not want to miss them

Austria now. It's so green. During the year my eyes forget how many shades of green they can perceive.. summer after summer they learn it again. I'm meeting old friends enjoying my family my cat books under the walnuttree storms and stars.
but my head has not yet completely arrived

...though I've stopped thinking that that is actually something I should still be waiting for ;)

I want to build a lego town. like I used to in younger summers. and build all the modern things and the dinoaurs and figure out how to sensibly unify them.. break down the boarders and be a child of summer...

summersomethingreportanddream.